TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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Arrested for a-SALT-ing an officer

A quick-serve restaurant employee in Georgia was arrested for over salting hamburger meat. The young lady was charged with reckless conduct after serving a police officer with over salted meat. The office became ill after eating the burger and came looking for answers. I doubt the arrest will stand in another example of abuse of power by the police force in this country.


Darwin's Starch

It seems the reason the human race may have succeeded over other primates can be found in potatoes. Yes, potatoes. Our ability to break down starch could be the reason we out performed our primates cousins. Shouldn't Idaho be the most advanced state in the nation then?


Look out Wii

It was only a matter of time until gamers got even lazier. As if it's not bad enough the paddles turn off the console now, new game systems may eliminate the new to even move our thumbs to play the game. Brain waves will communicate with the game to move your character. Some are worried the game will takeover the brain of the gamer. Isn't that already the case with World of Warcraft and Everquest?


Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's engineered

Japanese schoolgirls are taking eye make-up to the next level. Engineered lashes are the new rave in Japan. Perhaps it's only a matter of time until the lashes have the messages you can program like the fans. Then when a girl blinks she can tell us guys if it's flirting or dirt.

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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It's a short TGIFF this week, kiddos. I didn't have much time to stumble across weird stories.

Beer Me

Scientists at the University of Wisconsin, of course it was in Madison, have released a study which argues that Guiness is just as good as aspirin at fighting heart clots. Back in the day post-op patients were given the "beer you eat with a fork" to replenish their iron! Can you imagine that now?


Acupunture to a Whole New Level

A women in China went to the doctor because of blood in her urine and the doctors discovered 26 sewing needles imbedded in various regions and organs of the 31 year old woman's body. Doctor's believe the needles were stuck into her when she was little because her grandpartents were angry that she was a girl and not a boy. Interesting method of murder, the pin cushion torture technique.

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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Everything's bigger in Texas

They have their own national beer in Texas, the Alamo, and now they have a 650 ft spider web to brag about. Twice the size of a football field, the web is a dingy brown due to the massive amount of dead mosquitoes. Millions of little spiders have teamed up to create the sticky behemoth.


Stupid Human Tricks

Why is it that there are always some dumb schmo giving criminals a bad name? This week I stumbled across two inept criminal capers. What is rule number one in committing a crime, aside from don't get caught? Right. Don't video tape yourself committing the crime. It always comes back to bite you. Unfortunately for this English Youtuber, he missed that memo.

The second asinine
caper is just plain ridiculous. Okay, Bob here's the plan. In order to get free beer you'll run into the store naked and dance. The clerk will be distracted and we'll steal the beer... ready, break! As you might have guessed the criminals were foiled in the their plans as the clerk just called the cops as soon as a naked man started dancing in his store.

"Chickity china the chinese chicken"

In the shadow of the looming Olympic torch, the Chinese government is trying to clean up restaurant menus and dishes, or at least Chinglish translations of Chinese dishes. Scared that poor translations will scare tourists and/or give them the wrong impression of Chinese cuisine and culture the Beijing Tourism Bureau is reviewing and editing local menus. No longer will "virgin chicken," "burnt lion's head," and "steamed crap" be offered on the menu. Olympic tourists will have to settle for "crispy chicken," "pork meatballs." and "steamed carp."

After the menus, perhaps they should start looking at the back of disposable chopsticks wrappers. There are some horrid translations on those wrappers.


Generation Ninny

A Colorado school has banned tag because "it causes conflict on the playground." Between antibacterial soap and no dodgeball or tag, we're breeding a whole generation of ninnies.

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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Attack of the Ex

An English woman was sentenced to 2.5years of prison for "wounding" her ex-boyfriend after he failed to respond to her advances. As if it wasn't bad enough that she ripped the body part off, she then tried to swallow it before choking and spitting the flesh out!

I would say more, but the article and actions speak for themselves. I wouldn't want to ruin it.


The Sexual Life of a Camel

This blurb takes it's title from a British drinking song. It seems an Australian women found out the hard way that the sexual life of a camel is "stranger than anyone thinks". Evidently, her pet camel may have tried to mate with her, unfortunately his weight crushed her. Having ridden a camel in Egypt, I don't understand why you would want to have such an ugly and smelly creature as a pet.

It's a further reminder of the movie Zoo. A movie I don't really need to think about.


The Meatball Defense

Move over Twinkie Defense, a former NYPD detective has put further the meatball defense. It seems his wife spiked his meatballs with drugs in order to get him to leave the force after 22 years on the job. She even passed a lie-detector test and toxicologists confirm the defense is valid.


Attack of the Vulgar Monkeys

The small Kenyan village of Nachu has been under attack my a group of nasy monkeys. Unforunately, the plight of the villagers isn't nearly as humorous as the gestures of the monkeys that they report. The villagers are in desparate need of aid from the government in order to have enough food. Mixed in with this tradegy, however, are some hilarious antics and gestures by monkeys that have researchers even puzzled.

Perhaps those TV censors that didn't like the hot fruit-on-baked goods action in the Curious George episode should read this to realize unprotected food fornication pales in the lewd imagery these monkeys are cooking up.


Dogs Get Back at Vick

An animal lover in Missouri is using the Michael Vick dog fighting scandal to get a little retribution for the dog-world. Tattered and mangled Vick cards were sold on e-Bay with all proceeds to go to animal shelters in the area. While little can be done to help the dogs that Vick and his co-defendants killed, tortured, and brainwashed to the point of being unable to re-enter domestic life - meaning all 54 dogs rescued will mostly likely be euthanized, at least some animals out there will benefit from a horrible underground culture. (If you want to read more about the dark world of dog fighting here is a BBC article)

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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Tough Love

A South African man was recently shot during a robbery. When he went to a local hospital for aid, he was told to "walk it off." And we thought we had it bad in the United States with HMOs?

I could understand the hospitals logic more if the man shot were the criminal, but in this case it's a 38 year-old security guard!


E-mail"lovehim"ISP.com

A Chinese couple has submitted a request to name their child the character "@". Evidently, the English word "at" that the character represents is similar to the Mandarin phrase for "love him." It is unclear whether or not the Chinese government will allow them to name their child "@" given laws that prohibit naming children using foreign languages.


The knee bone is [no longer] connected to the ankle bone...

A Japanese man rode on for a mile before realizing that he had severed off his lower leg after running into a median. He felt some "pain" but evidently didn't look down to realize his leg was missing. His friend collected the limb and brought it to the hospital. The leg was too crushed to be reattached.


More legal problems for Michael Vick?

At the end of July a hand-written suit was filed against Michael Vick claiming damages of $63,000,000,000 billion [sic] by a South Carolina inmate. Among other things, the inmate claims a violation of his civil rights, cruelty against animals, copyright infringement, theft, and a finding for the petitioner under a Bivens action (allows for remedy of damages for constitutional violations committed by federal agents).

My favorite part is the portion at the bottom of the complaint which explains why the form is hand-written. Read: Because they don't let me play with objects I could make into a shiv.

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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Biblical Action Figures

According to this article, beginning in just a few short weeks Wal-mart will carry a full line of faith-based action figures. Of course, by "faith-based" they mean Christian. Soon your child or young relative can throw away He-Man and replace him with Sampson or Goliath. My favorite part of the whole idea is that these toys are supposed to represent "God honoring toys" based on "Christian morality." [Which is probably why no David toy was mentioned, he wasn't the most moral of men] I'm sure when little Paul James Wellington III sits down to play with his toys he'll be thinking about God's providence or benevolence.

Tales of Glory toys are meant to provide the moral and loving alternative to the "toys and dolls that promote and glorify evil, destruction, lying [and] cheating." If these toys promote positive Christian values, then this can only mean that Goliath is provided as a toy for the sole purpose of being struck down as contrary to God's divine plan... nice, a promotion of intolerance and hate. But at least it's not promoting evil, destruction, lying or cheating, right?


The Ol' Monkey Out of a Hat Trick

A man on his way to New York from Peru surprised fellow flyers when a small marmoset appeared from under his hat. According to the article, the monkey was well-behaved during the flight after he vacated the man's hat. I wonder if the monkey had to wear a seat belt?

I feel bad for the monkey. It had to ride under a hat, then had to put up with crying babies and other airplane nuisances, then gets taken, put in a cage, subjected to tests, gets quarantined for a month, and will most likely end up in a zoo. If the monkey can handle a FL to NY flight without causing problems I say he should get his own place or go home with the guy. I mean that's better than most children.


A real-life Homer Simpson, almost

A German woman's personal trauma mimics that of cartoon character Homer Simpson. The 59-year old recently had a pencil removed from her brain after 55 years. Simpsons viewers will remember that Homer Simpson is the simpleton that he is because of a crayon stuffed into his brain.

The women had headaches and couldn't smell for 55 years. A part of the pencil couldn't be removed as it was too deep and surgery would be too dangerous. Evidently, her parents should have told her not to run with a pencil in her hand.


Killer Mahjong

Hong Kong doctors warn that the tile game Mahjong could be deadly. 23 people have had "Mahjong-induced seizures." The ailment is not just afflicting players either, the doctors say that watching the face paced game can also lead to seizures.

The design, sounds, and cognitive actions of the game can cause a seizure anywhere from one to eleven hours into a game for player or viewers. The only known cure for Mahjong-induced seizures? Don't play Mahjong.


How did you want your penis cooked?

Never had canine penis or bull perineum? Your only a plane ticket away from these delicacies. The Guolizhuang restaurant boasts itself as China's only speciality penis emporium.

The article speaks for itself. It is both slightly stomach churning and intriguing at the same time. I will warn you that there are pictures of penile dishes, so if you cannot handle seeing such things you may not want to click on the link.


Bad, Kitty, Bad

Bangkok police chiefs have decided to deter their police officers bad habits through shame. If an officer is found to have commited minor transgressions, they will be forced to wear a pink Hello Kitty armband for several days as punishment.

The officers will not only be forced to wear the armband of shame, they are also prohibited from telling their fellow officers what policy they violated. Did Bob come to work late or did he fail to timestamp his police report? Ooo the suspense and the shame of it all! Officers that are repeat offenders will be dealt with following more standard protocol as opposed to be forced to carry the Hello Kitty lunchbox, backpack, and cell phone clip while on the beat.

TGIFF

It's not uncommon to stumble across articles ranging from lovable and quirky to downright bizarre during the week. TGIFF - Thank Geebus, It's Freakin' Friday - is an amalgamation of short blurbs dedicated to the oddities I stumbled across during the week.

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All of this week's articles are from Wired.

Life after 50

It's always a bit uncomfortable to read an article about the sex lives of senior citizens. Perhaps it's because it makes us think of our grandparents, usually figures of kindness, love, wisdom, and innocence, that we don't like the idea of this country's nanas and papas bumpin' ugly. However, someday it's going to be our generation with all the wrinkles, humped backs, and insane crossword puzzle skills. Realizing that your sex life isn't exchanged for AARP benefits is an important step in the ongoing maintenance of a healthy intimate relationship.

I found two points in the article to be of particular interest:
1) The shame and immaturity of our elderly regarding prophylactics
2) There are elderly Wii bowling leagues!!!

The article isn't smutty or filled with unnecessary details; I found it to be thought provoking - especially the Wii leagues.


"Hot Fruit-on-Baked-Good Action"

The title of this blurb is a hilarious quote from an article about censorship in cartoons. Censors are actually worried about sending subliminal sexual messages to schoolchildren via free-floating bananas and donuts.

This article confirms that the censorship committees are comprised of a bunch of namby-pamby overprotective parents whose children have no immune system because everything they use is anti-bacteria, wear helmets when they color, and aren't allowed to play even semi-violent video games or watch anything that has a minor sexual reference but are encouraged to read the Bible with verve. The words that the censors wanted removed - oops, my young readers won't understand such a complicated word, I meant to say "[t]he words the censors wanted scribbled off the paper" - do not require even a high school education to comprehend - at most the child may have to pick up a dictionary. Any complications with those words sounds to me more like poor parenting and poor education than innate child naivety. It seems more likely - given the panel's absurd concern over the word "beseech" - that the censors were instead remov... er... taking out words they didn't understand.


Perv Blockers

Leave it to Japan. Concerned your daughter is the subject of male oglers in her school uniform? Worry no longer, Cramer Japan has invented pervert-proof panties. Yes, that's right; this article discusses panties that are impervious to night vision equipped perverts. They hope to start a product line devoted to "voyeur-resistant" bras soon. (What does that even mean? Bras that don't show nipples? Perhaps the bras will also be resistant to infrared rays; so why are nipple oglers "voyeurs" and panties oglers "perverts"? Aren't they both undergarments aimed to cover areas deemed "private" by society?)